so i just finished exodus, and while i will admit to becoming a little crosseyed while reading all of the specifications of the tabernacle i did have yet another humbling experience while reading the experiences of the chosen people wandering about in the desert.
basically moses is up on the mountain talking to god, and the israelites get all antsy and tell aaron "make us gods who will go before us. as for this fellow moses who brought us up out of egypt, we don't know what has happened to him."
at first i read this and i was like "how stupid can you be???" these people saw MULTIPLE physical manifestations of the lord- from when he parted the red sea and saved them from the egyptians, to the pillars of cloud and fire that led them through the desert, to the fire and light show around mt. sinai. it's frustrating because it feels like any one of those actions alone would be enough fuel to keep the faith fire burning for any one of us nowdays. they had miracles by the boatloads and they just couldn't believe.
about 10 minutes later i realised i was a bigger idiot than they were.
this week my family suffered a pretty terrible tragedy. nobody died or anything- but it's still a pretty shocking blow. the night before it happened i was praying to god, thanking him for giving me such a blessed life, that i could see his hands working around me.
the next day, after i got the first phonecall of bad news (there were a few more that followed), i was so angry. angry at the people who perpetrated this against my family, but also against this "god character" who i thought was supposedly watching out for my family and i, but had let such a terrible thing befall them. it really was one of those test of faith moments. a "how can there be a god if things like this happen to people?" moment. especially people who love and serve the lord?
later in the day there came reassurances, from my heavenly father and my earthly father. things will be ok. they might even be better. for the moment they are safe.
my point is that i'm as guilty as the israelites for immediately forgetting god's love for me and plan for us. the israelites were flying without a net (or so they thought). even though they were slaves, there was some security in that post- they knew what trials lay before them. but following god into the desert, to the promised land, there was no guarantee of what might befall them.
not knowing is scary. our minds are able to conjure up scenarios that are far worse than what will probably ever happen to any of us. that's why the israelites called out for the "gods" that they knew. it was easier to follow something familiar, albeit misguided, than to put their faith in the lord whom they "couldn't see."
but at some point you have to stop being afraid and move forward and trust that the spirit is moving with you. it reminds me of that story jack tells kate in LOST (yes, we're LOST-ies), where he made the terrible mistake during surgery and he just becomes paralyzed by fear. so he agrees to let the fear take over, but only for a few seconds. then he counts to five and gets to work repairing her.
Courage is as often the outcome of despair as of hope; in the one case we have nothing to lose, in the other everything to gain. -- Diane de Poitiers
more quotes on courage here.
p.s. LOST connection i JUST MADE. god appears as a pillar of cloud/fire. SMOKE MONSTER?!?!?!? :D
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